were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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