I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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