While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
