People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
