I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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