Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
