Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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