I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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