just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
