Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
