So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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