Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
