Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
