I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
