PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
