Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
