Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I cut my penus on the lid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
