I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
