you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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