the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize