Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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