Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
