New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
