just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
