I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
