You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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