the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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