is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
