apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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