I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
