I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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