i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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