let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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