I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
