YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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