There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
