u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
