Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
