Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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