It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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