I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize