I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
