i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
