i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize