Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize