actually, I'm a sock model
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
