I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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