Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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