I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
