Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
