Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
