I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Still dying that you shit outside
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
