At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
