It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He better not be in your backpack
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
