Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
