I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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