I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Found your dick twin last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize