Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
