Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
