If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
