The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize