we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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