I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this boner is exhausting
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
