There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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