someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
