Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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