The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
