Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize