She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
