Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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