I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
