I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What a dumb baby whore.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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