Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
