he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
