Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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