I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
