i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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